Everytime I hear the song ‘I’m Yours’ by Jason Mraz, I can’t help myself but smiling and giggling.
o well..

It’s kind of odd for me, I think I rarely (if never) feel like this before.

Happy seeing you happy far away, yet miss you in a positive way. I like how I feel about you now, although I do not know yet what this means.

Enjoy home! :)

xx

Lately I have been spending my lunch break in a quiet corner in front of my office. Not many people passing by the area and It has a good view of trees and blue sky. During that precious hour, I usually just sit and plug my earphone to my ears, embracing everything I see with my eyes, thanking small stuff that I may have forgotten to be thankful for, and enjoying such intimacy with Lord and the nature.

I like what I am doing there. It gives me senses and made me re-learn everything about me. What I want, my vision, what I feel, how should I deal with things, basically contemplating.

Today when I’m having the time, I saw a small beetle in a funny position. I usually would just let it be, I mean, I’m not really a fan of beetles. But anyway, I felt curious myself and start helping the little beetle back to its right position. I kept staring the beetle trying to crawled back on the pavement before I headed back to my chair.

This quite an odd thing for me to do, helping the beetle it is. Nevertheless, my point is that I think I learn how to appreciate small things and natures more now that I live in Sorowako. Living side by side with bugs and animals is one thing (oh, have I told you that there would be a bunch of Hogs trying to dig some food around my neigbourhood every other nights?), appreciating them is something else.

I come to like what I become here. I am more active and outgoing physically, I think am matured in some ways, although I am still in the journey to become a better human myself. The journey I am having in Soroako, would be one of the finest journey I have ever done in my life. People I meet, I acquainted with, the experiences, the magnificent secluded place I come to found, all is good.

There are times I do not really appreciate on what I have when I whine on things that is lacking here, especially city-like entertainment or a place to hang out to, but I am trying to reduce that by days.

My friend is going home today, another person leaving Sorowako. People come and go in Sorowako, but somehow I feel at peace today. To let go everything you know you can’t handle, would be the best feeling since it liberates every weigh you feel you carry on shoulders. To let God handle things His ways, and not ours, always ended up sweet. I hope he enjoys his travel back home and have a lot of fun time there. Until we meet again :)

Emotional degradation in the mid of the day. lunch time and I suddenly feel this mellow, supposedly as the effect of listening Westlife’s songs earlier while working (yeap, that is one of my guilty pleasures).

I am well aware of my feeling. I am also well aware about the situation. I am just not comfortable with this. Some will say just enjoy what you feel, seeize the day, and so on and so forth. All with the yada yada positive words.

Well, it’s not that I hate the feeling I am now experiencing, I just merely do not feel that comfortable. I decided to move on, and move on I am doing. I have vision on my future, and that is what I am pursuing right now, while spending time in this forest without knowing what to do.

It just, my brain may decide what to do, my sense give sights on what should I doing, yet my heart knows best what I feel.

I know that I still like him. Love, maybe? but I love everyone here, to put it simply, I like him more than just a friend, I love him as my friend. More than the fling we had, I love him as a good fun friend of mine.

But as I always stated and believe; if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. If then he’s not for me, I believe it’s for the better.

I just miss him and our togetherness. I hope he does, too. I don’t expect he will, though.

xoxo

*curcol tingkat tinggi

I want to feel hurt, but I can’t.

I want to cry out the tears, yet they just wouldn’t fall.

I thought I am numb, but I am apparently not.

I can’t think, but thinking is the best possible thing I could do in the mean time

How do I feel I don’t know, nor I could tell people what about

I am in the stage of confusion, but my heart still in its place last time I checked

I try to dig it deep, still nothing

I come to the conclusion that I am still standing fine, I am

A good friendship is what I’m after, a best friend is what I need

at least I’m prepared

o well, life, here I come again :)

lovequotesrus:

Photo Courtesy: yeahwriters

I don’t want to become too comfortable with myself that I feel it is troublesome if I involve romantically with someone.

getting to know each other in a relationship requires sacrifices of emotions and characters of each person involved. and ones need to learn how to deal with their feelings and what about their couple’s characters.

it takes willingness, and also hardwork to make the best out of one relationship. it takes both parties to cooperate together. let it fails or succeed, what matter is that you learn to grow within the relation.

if then those words not there, then it is not love. Love is hard, eh?

(Source: lovequotesrus)

it takes two to tango.

today was a lovely day. woke up, sunny and the weather was warm, and the afternoon chillin’ time with friends. the ending was not really well, though.

i don’t want to have reasons. i just need to express how pissed i was. really pissed i find washing my u****s help me soothe a little. but i am still pissed apparently therefore i decided to just pour it into my tumblog.

being patience is not the easiest job in the world. not the easiest to maintain, either. especially if you think you earn the right to have what you wish. let say that was what happened. at the end of the day, i tried to be as understanding as i could be, but failed.

sometimes the level of ignorant of a person could just boiled your temperature up. I just don’t like being the one thinking much about this.

bleh.

this frenziness. me no likey. me no want to embrace. me just want to push it away. yet me feel hopeless on vanishing the eagerness which has groomed already.

le’dilemma. lesigh.

..this urge to say ‘I miss you’ and ’ I want to meet you’

a bit of a surprise for me how actually I shifted my daily priorities a bit since this thing happen.

but well, I am. I just need to find my courage to say it out loud and clear. in front of you.