Not.

I will spend my Christmas and New Year’s eve here in Soroako instead going home. This will be my first time spending this holiday season away from my family. I don’t really think about it much, though, until this morning. The thought was triggered by a tune that suddenly popped into my head, yeap from the song of “I’ll be Home for Christmas”

I kinda miss my family. We’re not really a family that expressively showing our emotion and love towards each other, although many of our members are emotionally sensitive. But we love each other, despite the lackness of good characters here and there, lol.

My dad and his temper, my mom and her over-sensitive feeling. My sister, Jess with her brand-whore addiction (o well, with shopping generally), my other sis, Amanda who likely inherit both my dad’s temper and my mom’s sensitivity, and my lil’ bro Jonathan, who still in his journey of Love-finding.

It’s not common for me to bluntly write about my family in my blog, it’ll be rarely if it’s not the first time. I love my family, nevertheless.

I read a book that open my eyes recently, which changes my perception about how you see your relationship with family. Do you realize that it is easier for you to forgive a friend that hurt you, but it’s not that easy if your family does the same thing to you? at least I do.

well, here’s the example. for me, when a friend called me a fat bitch-whore wholeheartedly, the worst thing I could feel is hurt. that would be another case if my Dad who says that not-so-nice words to me. I would feel more than hurt. i’d feel worthless. my dad’s words would be a more than just a penalty, it shapes the way i think about myself. why could I (or we) have different response on accepting the words? because our friend is not our family. we bound to our family, tied by blood. most of all, we likely to give higher standards for our family, and think that they suppose to be ‘more’ than the rest of our friends. so if they become another heart-less human, it’ll be harder for us to accept their flaws, because they suppose to be a better person than our friends are! they are our family, anyways.

We usually forgot that our family members are also the same mere human like our friends are. They do hurt us unintentionally many times, but so do us to them. another example; when a friend step on your feet and hurt it much, when they say sorry usually your response would be like ‘aww..! yeah it’s hurt, but it’s okay’ or you can add any sentence that politely shows you’re fine, and please-don’t-feel-too-guilty because it’s not that we’d die. but IF our sibling does the same thing, most likely the words that will spread out from us would be like ‘AW! don’t you have eyes? it’s hurting, you know??’ something like that. see the difference?

It’s because we expect them to understand our flaws, and vice versa. yet we still need to remember it’s not a kinda healthy relationship to build between your family members. at least it’s not the kind i like to have.

Christmas, more than just the snow, trees, and carols, are the best reminder for us to show and practice our love capability. it’s the season to reconnect the broken links, the season to forgive and be forgiven, the time to be jolly.

I wish I could experience a white Christmas sometimes (well, it’s about the classic ambiance I can’t feel around here in tropical country), and Hopefully I would have a Merry Christmas day in Soroako.

xoxo